Peg Kerr's Journal

I took a stab at writing the scene at the climax of the book this morning, just for the hell of it.

I'm sorry I tried. This was probably a tactical mistake. Am convinced it sucks rocks. But then, of course, it hardly matters, as I'm convinced that no one will still be reading the book by that point but will have thrown it down in disgust/total boredom, etc.

If I ever finish it.

Hmm. Seem to be suffering a crisis of confidence.

I get these periodically.

Maybe it's just my upset stomach. And the fact that I'm not eating properly.

P.

Only 175 words. Rob kept interrupting me because he was using my computer to get a letter out.

And I could only force myself to exercise a half hour this morning. I'm definitely not firing on all cylinders yet. It's cold and damp and rainy, and I really don't want to go to my day job at all today. Just want to go back to bed and sleep.

*Sigh.* Perhaps coffee will help.

Peg

Today, as pameladean says, I glared at my novel awhile, specifically chapter 2, where I am trying to figure out the transition from the (pretty good) opening scene at home between Solveig and Ingrid, to Solveig meeting Jack for the first time at work. Finally, gave up and switched to writing one of Solveig's journal entries, which is more words on the page, but am not sure it will be included in the book.

Have been thinking: what is it about the fact that Solveig is an architect that shapes the ending (the final climax, etc.) about the ending of the book? How is the fact that Solveig is an architect significant magically? ( More )

Cheers,
Peg

354 words. Wrote a scene at kijjohnson's suggestion, about Ingrid waking up from a nightmare and Solveig comforting her.

Had a great talk with kijjohnson last night and would like to write about it at length. Think I will, but not now. Need to get to work.

Peg

I wrote about 325 words and sent them off to kijjohnson. She wrote back that she liked what I'd sent.

But all day long, I've been feeling uneasily dissatisfied with this morning's work. Why? I read it over, and think, well, yeah, technically it's okay. Sure, I see several edits I can make, to avoid a repetitious phrase or two. Nothing major. Maybe there isn't anything particularly interesting going on here stylistically. Is that the problem? Hmm. That could be developed further, if I think it's necessary.

As I try to give this scene the most realistic assessment possible, I can feel my gut still saying I'm not happy with it. Why?

It feels too . . . pat. Too glib. Emotions are too easily slotted in. He reveals the big thing. She gets mad--in her restrained Solveig sort of way, I mean. Revelation, reaction, and none of it's a surprise emotionally. I mean, what he is revealing is supposed to be a surprise, and I think that the book will set it up so that it will be a shock. I put Solveig in the position of realizing that a person she was beginning to trust was about to betray her. He's pulled back from the brink saying, I was going to do that, but I'm not going to do that now. How can I make her reaction feel real, unstudied, fresh, authentic? Fully human? Interesting? What does Solveig say or do, so that it doesn't look like The Big Confrontation scene from every cliche soap opera written? (Not that I watch soap operas much, you understand, but you know what I mean).

I'm trying to capture absolute authenticity here. How do I make her feel more real to me (and hopefully the reader)?

Is my unease useful at this point or not? I guess the best thing to do is to listen to my gut, make a note that I might run this scene past several different beta readers, just to capture other people's perceptions of how it's coming across. But I'm experienced enough to be aware that my unease may not be an accurate assessment of any real problem. I haven't written reliably for a long time, and now that I'm getting back to work, it's going to feel strange at first. My internal critic, just emerging from a long and confusing period of writer's block, may still be too hypersensitive in its calibration, and possibly needs to be dampened down further.

But I mustn't let anything stop my forward momentum.

So yeah, mark the scene to remind myself to run it past a few other readers. Remember, as I write, to do all I can to be as honest and authentic as I'm dealing with these people's emotions as I can be.

But most importantly, keep going.

So . . . I have all these little scenes. I don't know if they will be in the book or not. But I decided, just for the hell of it, to count all the words written in these little scenes tonight. They totaled up to 8100. So, if I wrote, say a 100,000 word book, that would be a little over 8%. So . . . I am getting somewhere. Maybe. Heh.

And heck, since we're counting, I have walked 10232 steps so far today. I measured my stride at about 2.7 feet, which means I've walked five miles today, just going about my daily business. I'm not even working out this week, because I'm in the middle of my quarterly rest week. (Once a quarter do not exercise for a week to give the body some down time). I have to decide whether I want my "walk to Rivendell" miles to include all these steps just around the office and house, which are not necessarily done at an aerobic pace. Or perhaps I should count only "workout walks," when I put on exercise clothes and trot around the lake, keeping my pulse up in my target heart rate range.

Maybe I'll keep a running total of both numbers.

Peg

I wrote 530 words in today's hour session. Worked up a rough outline yesterday.

(I had put the outline here, but a couple of hours later I took it down. Decided I might tinker with it further, and for now it feels right to keep it private).

Feeling a little troubled, and simultaneously amused with myself for being fretful. Six months ago, I would have been ecstatic to have a rough outline of a real book and several scenes written, and ideas for more and more welling up every day. Yet I look at the outline and feel dissatisfied. Reasons for dissatisfaction: I don't quite have a handle on either Jack or Solveig's voice yet. Well, I do, but they seem . . . bland to me. How to sharpen the focus? Am hesitating whether to tell the story from entirely Solveig's P-O-V. Or should I include some of Jack's, so I can include scenes between him and Rolf? Would that be too much spoiling? Also, I look at the outline, and I think is that all? I still have the feeling that there's something missing. I don't know if it's plot. Part of it is a deeper understanding of the magic of the book, other than the fact that it wells up from what Minnesota is.

Theme is shaping up in my mind a bit more reassuringly. Cycle of life (maiden-mother-crone), accepting the cycle rather than fighting it, permanence v. impermanence, heart of flesh v. heart of stone, coldness v. warmth.

Gotta dash to work.

Cheers,
Peg

Wrote a scene of Solveig at the end of the day, writing in her journal. 380 words.

Must go make dinner. Later.